PIZZA = HAMMERHEAD FOOD!

Some creative individual has taken it upon themselves to spray-paint the word "Pizza" on various flat surfaces in the alley behind my residence.

The "i" is dotted with a little heart which makes this tag adorable.

It also leads me to believe the perpetrator does not belong to a gang.

However,

over the past few months there seems to be a group of rivals moving in on our perp's turf 

and I think they might be hungry.

...Or they just really enjoy pork and Popsicles.

It all started with "creme sikle!" which was pretty stupid until someone added "porkchopz" which I found rather amusing.  Then someone (else?) followed it up with "Tina Turner" which made me laugh really hard!

Someone apparently did not see the humor in this little graffiti war because they added their own message with a big red marker:

"You faggots"

My heart warmed as I turned down my alley and discovered Pizzaman was at it yet again!

It wasn't long after someone decided to add their own message 

-which makes me laugh my fucking ass off every time I drive by it!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAMMERHEAD FOOD!?!

I may never know, but I likes it!

Runaway Car Kills Brother, Sister and Dog

((SUNDAY OCTOBER 23rd, 2011))

In an attempt to accelerate our recuperation from Saturday night's out-of-state festivities, my brother and I decided to order some sub-par greasy Asian cuisine.  After failing to locate the number for an establishment that delivered, we settled for a suspect place nestled snugly in a crusty strip mall near his home-spot.  

Due to the close proximity of said establishment, 
we decided to hoof it and brought along his sweet pup, Chyna. 
One long block and a shortcut through the Ax-Man Surplus parking lot brought us to a busy stretch of road littered with a nauseating number of chain stores and every fast food hut imaginable.

I was busy analyzing/contemplating the huge Arby's sign 

(which always struck me as a monument for saggy beef-curtains... or... a hat?) 

across the busy intersection when I noticed movement in the Chipotle parking lot to our right.
It was a silver car backing into a parking spot...

...with no sign of slowing.
'Damn, G! Y'all better slow down - there's a curb there!'

I watched completely dumbfounded as the car crashed up and over the curb where it lodged itself in a short row of heroic shrubbery .  My brother jerked Chyna's leash narrowly avoiding doggy death and/or dismemberment.

"Whoa, somebody's drunk!"  I said half joking -until I realized the car was completely devoid of human life.


"Brady!  There's no driver!!!"  I said incredulously.

Apparently, some dread-locked dude was so incredibly super excited (or high) to put a fat burrito in his drippy mandibles, he completely forgot to put his emergency brake on. 

"Ohh, man!  I guess my emergency break must have busted."  the burrito-eater claimed.

(Little did he know: my brother, the talented mechanic, was hip to his jive and dismissed his excuse.)

"Do you see how my life goes? Chaos around every corner!" 

"Only you and me, Sis!"  he replied.

"Fuck all that!  My weirdness is just rubbing off on you because you are with me!"  I said laughing as our ridiculous quest commenced.*

And still I wonder:  

What the mighty FUCK is the Arby's sign suppose to be???
Is it a saggy 'giner, a tall cowboy hat or a sad sammich?

*After remembering the establishment was cash only, my bro suggested we cross 2 huge parking lots to use Target's ATM which, naturally, was out of order. We were informed that checks were accepted, but my delight turned into disappointment upon realizing I'd left mine in my car. We walked all the way back home (this time without incident) only to returned (via automobile) for our (cold) food.